Funny story

[cherrysmum]

A professor was giving a lecture on "involuntary muscular contractions" to first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "He's probably down at the bar getting drunk with his friends." [img]graemlins/party.gif[/img]

[gus danger]

Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says
he's sending a friend over to look at one of his
horses.
Sam asks, "How will I recognize him?"
That's easy, "he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's
looking for a male or a female horse?
"A female horth."
So he shows him one of his prized fillies.
"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
Sam picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes
the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little feller up again, and shows him
the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is gettin' a little ticked off at this
point, but he picks him up again and shows him the
horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally upset at this point, the rancher grabs him
right under his arms and rams the midget's head as far
up the horse's twat as he can, then pulls him out and
slams him to the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth
I should rephwase that; Can I thee her wun awound a
widdlebit!

[img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[Noclouds]

Oh noooooooooo*ROTFLMFAO

[ellanoize]

Gus, that was a good one, I'm still laughing.

here is my contribution:

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample
from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She
can't find it so she looks innocently at the guy and takes his finger and sucks it.
The guy is so pleased he asks, "Do you think I could have a urine test done now?"

[cherrysmum]

ROTF!!!!!!!!!!! [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[Noclouds]

*lol

[ellanoize]

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story: "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and
dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"
"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

[ellanoize]

*** Bad Puns ***

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[Noclouds]

*LOL

[ellanoize]

Hailstorm

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first